There’s a certain allure to the concept of the one you’ve always been waiting for, the one that’s gone only temporarily and that you’ll eventually find your way back to. Embedded in the music we play on repeat, the movies we gather around to watch with friends or the Tiktoks we scroll through aimlessly - this concept of being forever tied to someone gives us a false hope that we cling to even as a chapter of our life closes.
More and more, I’ve been wondering if a type actually exists, or if we all go around attempting to recreate the same feeling from the first time we really fall for someone. I’ve seen it in myself, and in friends as we navigate our early 20s and truly, deeply fall for someone for the first time. There’s this magnetic pull to recreate that feeling and hold onto it even as it moves out of your life. Searching for that exact feeling again is to me, no different than being attached to that person.
When we want someone we can’t have, we spend our time searching for what we can’t have, only to discover that it never quite measures up. We long for conversations that last for hours, kind eyes we can recognize across crowded rooms, and someone who can make us laugh through even the toughest situations.
I used to imagine that the next person I fell for would be similar to the last, that our time together would unfold in familiar ways and that our conversations would fall down the same rabbit holes. What I’ve realized is that we’re uniquely ourselves, and the way we connect with someone else isn’t something that can be recreated. When you develop an intense connection with someone, nothing else compares. You’ve learned not only that you care about someone but how to care about them - we discover what makes them laugh, how to comfort them when they’re upset, and what brings them balance.
As I get a bit older and wiser, I’m learning how important it is to accept that the intricacies of something from the past, the conversations we have (and had) and the experiences shared aren’t ones that can be recreated and should not attempt to be recreated. Trying to recreate a relationship from the past leads to dissatisfaction. Experiences will begin to blend together, and you’ll also lose the person that you tried to keep so close to you in the attempts to find their replacement.
Building that level of understanding and intimacy with a stranger, in order to develop that same closeness, requires consistent intentional effort to move forward and clear boundaries as we find new connections. Compatibility, to me, encompasses not only chemistry or attraction but a moment in time when you’re truly open to something new. By embracing new experiences and people, we open ourselves up to the possibility of feeling these emotions again. Your ability to give and receive love is abundant, and forming a desire to truly experience that again can be much more fulfilling than an attachment to this idea of “the one.”